By Alan Brandis, Ph.D.

In the early 1980's Jael Greenleaf published a pamphlet entitled Adult Children of Alcoholics, and for the first time this group was identified and characterized by the symptoms they share in common.

The support group "Adult Children of Alcoholics" stated in their pamphlet:

"We had come to feel isolated . . . we either became alcoholics ourselves or married them or both. Failing that, we found another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment . . . We were dependent personalities -- terrified of abandonment -- willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationships with alcoholic parents . . . We learned to stuff our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love and pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships . . . This is a description, not an indictment."

Because of the unpredictability of the alcoholic parent's mood, a child in such a family becomes sensitized to the mood of the alcoholic parent and pays less and less attention to his or her own feelings, wants and needs. This denial of self, and hyper-vigilance to others' moods, becomes chronic and is carried into adulthood.

Sharon Wegsheider-Cruse developed a theory of alcoholic families, which states that the children in such families tend to assume one of four "roles:"

"The Family Hero" - This child brings esteem to the family through his or her achievements, such as being on the football team, the debate team, class president, the honor roll, the cheer leading squad, etc. This child may have decided long ago that he or she is maltreated by the alcoholic parent because "I'm not good enough" (which the parent often tells the child when angry or upset). So, to try to win the parent's love, the child becomes a super-achiever. An added benefit of being the Family Hero is that it gets you out of the house a lot and away from the family.

"The Scapegoat" - This child takes the other approach to the problem of why the alcoholic parent mistreats him or her, which is, "I'm not good enough - so why not be really bad?" This is the child who argues, lies, steals, joins a gang, takes drugs, gets pregnant at 15, runs away, etc. Within the family system, this child's behavior problems serve a useful function, which is that he/she takes everyone's focus off of the marital conflict or the alcoholic's drinking. Often, the parents appear to be closer and more united while they cope with the constant crises this child creates. Also, this child "acts out" the anger other family members feel but are unable to express.